peiperkrieg

lil' funny my very real 2 year plan is 'peace out (of so many things) and literally become a bog hag hermit'

i've been slightly joking about going through a midlife crisis but uh, this is suspiciously resembling the 'buy a boat and peace out to the middle of the gaddamn pacific ocean' stereotype some engineers have.... :D;;;;

that said i do think this is going to -oddly- be a lot better for mental health since it's actually a bigger/more varied space than where i'm holed up currently (and i've been on a trending positive upswing of self-improvement even here over the last five years; think the key really is discipline in tackling areas of life where one's unhappy and trimming out the deadweight).

it's also interesting to reflect how there's always been a major life change about every 5 years for me; high school, college, the pre-covid first five years of work, the current stint.

lord, i'm ready for the next one. it's going to be busy for a while.

marquis elmdore is really such krad bait i literally said 'oh no' out loud at the tv when he first showed up lmao

look at me krad

you are not immune to a gorgeous sexy villain bishie

you have not been immune since 2003

:P 

i blew a gasket at somebody irl today and actually got outright yell-y partially to make a point (no real worries tho - it was mostly if not entirely justifiable, they even said 'i'd be just as mad about it at you if the roles were reversed', it was out of care re: their safety, we made up with no real feelings hurt, etc) 

but it was kinda .... nice? to realize in hindsight/during it that 'oh huh i can actually be that intense on demand. neat. socking that away when i need it.'

especially considering i'm like ... usually on the other end of deadened emotions and/or the living embodiment of the placid pleasant ^_^ face 99.9% of the time. (honestly extreme emotions are annoying to me because they actively take so much energy and i can't stand the shakes afterwards, usually i'm like... why. literally what's the point when they're not an Useful action. not entirely healthy, i know, working on that, and am actually much better than where i was even five years ago.)

even funnier since this very morning several managers/bosses were talking about how they've literally never seen me annoyed much less mad at work and how of anyone i embodied 'be positive' (l o l).